Going the Distance Page 19

  “It’s been an hour.” She tried to stifle a yawn, but failed.

  Jarek checked his watch. It had indeed been an hour. He’d just spent sixty minutes thinking about one woman and the things he’d like to do to her, and it appeared she was ready for bed, not a round of raunchy sex. “Let’s get you some coffee,” he said, standing.

  She gave him an odd look. “No, thanks. I’m ready to go. Is there anything else you want to see?”

  Yes, but he couldn’t very well say so in polite company. “No. Let’s go.” He tucked the paper under one arm and held her hand in the other—when had he started doing that?—guiding them back to the street to flag a cab. Olivia dozed against his shoulder on the ride home, waking only long enough to make the trip up the stairs to their awful hotel room before collapsing on top of the covers and starting to snore. Jarek rolled his eyes and took off her sneakers and jeans. Her cheeks were flushed pink from the sun, and her arms were now a shade darker than her mile-long legs. He sighed and went to take a shower in the tiny, still-damp bathroom. It looked like “anything” would have to wait.

  Chapter Thirteen

  THE BUS TRIP to the Great Wall left at seven o’clock the next morning. Jarek grunted answers to Olivia’s eager questions about what, exactly, his thoughts on the Great Wall were, and ignored her scowl when he didn’t share her enthusiasm. Unlike Olivia, he had not slept peacefully for ten hours. He’d lain beside her, hoping she’d wake up, “accidentally” nudging her a few times to see if he could get her to open her eyes and help alleviate the tension in his groin. But she’d been dead to the world, coming to life at six thirty this morning, hopping in the shower and dressing in record time, then peppering him with questions.

  “You’re not bringing a camera?” she asked again as they hurried down the stairs to the cramped lobby.

  “No.”

  “Okay. I’ll send you some of mine.”

  “Fantastic.”

  She halted so suddenly that he ran into her and they barely avoided falling to the ground like idiots.

  “Fuck, Olivia! Why did you stop?”

  “Is it people that bother you, or transportation?” She looked at him suspiciously.

  “What? People. People who stop without warning.” He straightened his shirt and tried not to glower. There were already a dozen people in the lobby, all equipped with backpacks and water bottles, cameras slung around their necks. He had opted once again for board shorts and a T-shirt, and Olivia wore cut-offs and a loose tank top. They did not look prepared to hike the ten kilometer stretch of the Great Wall for which Olivia had signed them up.

  “We have a three-hour bus ride,” she said, a warning note in her voice. “I’m not interested in a repeat of our train trip.”

  “Relax. I’m going to sleep. Wake me when we get there.”

  A slender Chinese woman with a faint accent approached with a clipboard. “You are going to see the Great Wall of China?” she confirmed.

  Olivia turned her back on him. “Yes. Olivia Clarke and Jarek McLean.” She initialed the list next to their names and the woman handed her two tickets.

  “You must keep these for the bus, to go and to come back. I am Sally, I will be the translator on the bus, but I do not go on the Wall, okay?”

  “Sure.”

  Sally went off to find the remaining guests and Olivia handed him his ticket. “Ready, Sunshine?”

  “Yeah.” They filed after the other members of the group, climbing on a large, modern tour bus with comfortable seats and air conditioning, a blessing since the sun was already up and there were no clouds in the sky. They found two seats near the back and Jarek gestured for Olivia to take the window seat before sitting beside her, sliding on his sunglasses and closing his eyes.

  A few minutes later the bus started up and they pulled away from the curb, engine rumbling. “Did you sleep last night?” Olivia asked.

  “Yeah.”

  “Then what’s wrong?”

  “Nothing. Just wake me up when we get there. It’ll be fine.”

  “Did I do something?”

  “No.”

  “Do I talk in my sleep? I’ve heard that I do. Did I say something really insulting?”

  “No.”

  “Nothing like, Jarek McLean loves cotton candy and kittens and butterfly kisses?”

  He tried not to smile. “What is wrong with you?”

  “That’s what I dream about, Jarek.”

  “You dream about me?”

  “Oh, God yes. Even when I’m awake.”

  He laughed, but didn’t open his eyes. “Please shut up.”

  “What’s wrong?”

  “You don’t want to know.”

  “Are you sick?”

  Jarek inhaled deeply, praying for patience. This was like hanging out with Dale, who nagged him incessantly. “I’m not sick. I’m tired.”

  “But you said you slept.”

  “Are you trying to annoy me on purpose?”

  “Kind of. I’m wide awake and I want you to entertain me until we get there.”

  His mouth twitched, and he reached over and cupped her head, bringing her ear to his lips. “I wanted to fuck you last night.”

  “I—What?”

  “And all night. And this morning. And now we’ve got a bus ride and a hike and another bus ride until we’re alone again. I’m really uncomfortable and this bus is too crowded to ask you to lean over here and suck me off, so please let me sleep.”

  She turned her head and they were close enough that their lips touched. “Was this the problem on the train, too?” Her gaze was guileless and blue, and he knew she could see right through him, but he couldn’t look away.

  “No. I hated those kids. You going to let me sleep before my problem becomes everyone else’s business?”

  He saw her eyes flicker past him, taking in the two eager young backpackers on the other side of the aisle. He already knew there was no way for her to get him off without being noticed, and he didn’t really expect it. He’d fucked women in bathrooms and alleys, places that meant nothing when he should have known better. Olivia was different. He wanted more for her. Better than him, no question. But until she wised up to her situation, he’d take what he could get.

  “OhmyGodJarekwakeup.”

  He jolted upright at the urgent note in Olivia’s voice, twisting his neck painfully. “What?” he mumbled, massaging the aching muscle. “What is it?”

  “We’re here.”

  He peered at her over his sunglasses. “What’s so fucking urgent?”

  “Look.”

  The bus ground to a halt and the other passengers gathered their belongings with excited murmurs. Outside he could see the small parking lot, and beyond that, green. And some rock. But mostly green. “What am I looking at?”

  Olivia raised her eyebrows and indicated that he should look higher. Jarek sighed and leaned over her, feeling her breasts against his shoulder as he craned his sore neck to look out the window—and up. And up. Until finally, at the top of a small mountain, he saw something that may or may not have resembled the guide book picture of the Great Wall.

  Olivia pointed out the obvious: “We have to climb a mountain to get to the Wall. It’s not part of the hike.”

  “You’re kidding me.” He winced as a ray of sunlight beamed into his eye, then pulled back, rolling his shoulders.

  “No. I hope you’re well-rested.”

  Sally gave the group instructions, basically, follow the marked path up the mountain, and hike east until they spotted the next parking lot. There were two small restaurants there for people who finished early; the bus left at four o’clock sharp, and if they weren’t on it, they weren’t going back to Beijing today. And have fun!

  Jarek shot Olivia a meaningful look and she shrugged, then they filed off the bus, stretching cramped muscles when they got outside. It was hot. Unseasonably hot for late May, the sun bright and merciless, the Wall looming high above. Theirs was the only bus in the parking lot,
and there were no more than thirty people heading up the mountain. The group quickly filtered apart so Jarek and Olivia were walking behind an older German couple whose brisk pace put them both to shame.

  Thanks to the trees the hike to the top was in shade, and Jarek took a moment to appreciate that he hadn’t seen this much nature and so few people since he’d arrived in China. It was only thirty minutes to the peak, then they were on the Wall, a surprisingly massive construction Olivia informed him was more than five thousand miles long. For some reason he’d imagined it to be waist-high, built on flat sand and stretching into the distance, but he couldn’t have been more wrong. It careened along the mountain ridge, was high enough that he’d break an ankle—and probably more—if he tried to jump off, and was several yards across at most points.

  They’d had three options when choosing to visit the Wall, the first being the most popular and repaired section, the second being this unkempt ten kilometer stretch, the third being a reportedly crumbling and dangerous section intended for serious visitors only. At the moment there were just half a dozen or so people from their group at the top, peering around at the never-ending sea of green forest and rolling mountains that stretched into the horizon. A cool breeze unstuck Jarek’s shirt from his back, and for the first time in a long time, it was quiet. Peaceful. He felt…calm.

  He looked down at Olivia when she squeezed his hand. She’d pulled her ponytail through the back of a baseball cap and squinted up at him. “You ready?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Take a picture of me, please.”

  “Proof of life?”

  “For now, anyway.”

  She leaned against the wall, Inner Mongolia somewhere in the distance, and smiled as he took the photo. He cupped his hand over the display to check the image, resisting the urge to grin at her too-big smile, the way the sun glinted off her hair and exposed shoulders, the way she managed to look so happy for no reason at all. It had been a long time since he’d felt that way, and this was the closest he’d come in as long as he could remember. Light. Unburdened.

  They set off east as instructed, climbing and descending as the mountain ridge dictated. There were guard towers and parapets, tiny openings from which arrows could have been launched, and entire sections that had crumbled away, forcing them to jump over two foot gaps or risk falling down the mountain. Every once in a while they passed an elderly person from a nearby village selling marked up water and soft drinks, and Olivia bought them each a bottle since they’d long ago finished the ones they came with. They didn’t talk a lot, and he lingered behind when they approached the steeply eroded staircases, ready to catch her if she fell…and watching her ass and thighs and calves and feet…everything, really. He was hot and sweaty and perverted.

  At the halfway mark they encountered the German couple. They had stopped to take in the views and catch their breath, and Olivia made polite small talk while Jarek used her camera to take pictures of scenery that hadn’t changed for the past hour. He watched the couple pose for a photo, Olivia giving them the three-count cue to smile, which they did eagerly. He thought of Jonah and Katrine, their mysterious happiness, and now this couple, in their sixties at least, still going strong. It was possible, he supposed, that love wasn’t the worst thing to happen to a person.

  “Can we return the favor?” the German man asked, gesturing to the camera Jarek held. “It’s a nice place for a picture.”

  Olivia looked at him awkwardly. He’d rebuffed her offers to take his photo at several points along the Wall, and she’d stopped asking. He hadn’t seen the point; it wasn’t like he’d forget he’d been here, and if he wanted a proper photograph he’d buy a postcard in town. But suddenly he did want one. Just one picture with Olivia next to him, because he would forget this. In five weeks she would leave and his memory of her would dim and he’d go back to having nothing and preferring it that way.

  She blinked in surprise when he agreed, handed over the camera and lifted an arm for her to stand beneath. She peered at him as she approached but he just nodded for her to hurry up and take her place, then draped his arm around her shoulders. After a second he felt her arm wrap around his waist, the soft, familiar squeeze of her fingers on his hip, the brush of her hair on his bicep. Jarek took a deep breath and smiled when ordered, reluctant to release Olivia when she went to retrieve the camera and study the picture. “Looks good,” she said to the man. “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  The couple packed up their things and carried on with the hike. The next closest group was gathered on the Wall two hills behind them, and they were once again alone. “You’re such a ham,” Olivia accused, breaking the silence.

  “I didn’t want to hurt the guy’s feelings.”

  “A ham and a softie. This hike is changing you, Jarek.”

  She started walking and he stared after her, knowing the hike had nothing to do with the changes, but not sure how to feel about it. About her. Aw, fuck. He knew how he felt about her, what he didn’t know was what to do about it. How to stop it, since the feelings came with an expiration date that was going to be really damn painful. Jarek knew pain. He’d administered and received it, though not in equal measures, and he had the sneaking, terrifying suspicion that the scales were about to become even.

  They hiked again in silence, and Jarek bought more overpriced-but-worth-every-penny water from a villager, pausing next to Olivia in a covered archway, enjoying the brief reprieve from the overbearing sun. If he squinted he could see what might possibly be the two small structures that marked the end of their trip, probably two or three kilometers away. There was a small river in the distance, lined on either side by towering green trees, and he would have given anything to dive in and cool off.

  The next incline was very steep, the steps so eroded as to barely exist, and Olivia was using her hands to help climb when she slipped. He was about fifteen feet behind when he heard her surprised yelp, looking up just in time to see her skid down several steps. She didn’t fall far, just a few feet, but enough to scrape up one of her knees and draw blood.

  “You okay?” he asked, carefully jogging up to her.

  “Ugh. Yeah. Fine.” She stood and dusted herself off and he saw that the inside of her right arm was scratched, long pink lines with tiny dots of bright blood beading intermittently. He looked her over but there was really nothing he could do apart from pour his remaining water on her skinned knee and flick out the tiny rocks clinging to her flesh. She batted at his hands. “Ow. Stop.”

  “Hang on. You all right to walk?” He fumbled in his pocket and found a crumpled tissue, mopping up the watery trails of blood that trickled down her shin. The injuries were nothing more serious than the ones he’d sustained falling off his bike as a kid, and she flexed her knee and declared herself okay to continue.

  Another kilometer later they were definitely approaching the parking lot, the bus already parked and waiting though they still had a good hour and a half left before they were due to depart. Olivia was walking stiffly, laughing off his offers to give her a piggy back or whip off his shirt to bandage her knee, but he could tell she was hurting. At the top of the final steep incline she was breathing hard and determinedly keeping her back to him, pretending to take in a view that was the same as all the others.

  “Hey.” He put a hand on her shoulder, surprised when she turned suddenly and buried her face in his chest. “You okay?”

  “Fine. I’m being stupid,” she mumbled. “It just hurts. Thanks for helping me.”

  “Of course I’d help you,” he said, stroking her ponytail. “I love y—” He broke off abruptly, shock coloring his features, and clasped Olivia tightly against him so she couldn’t pull back and look at his face. She heard him, no question; she’d gone rigid with surprise at the near-declaration. He cleared his throat awkwardly. “You’ll be okay.”

  She tried to pull away but he kept her pinned against him, delaying the inevitable. He couldn’t handle it if she loo
ked at him with pity or hope, couldn’t bear the thought of disappointing her. He’d carry her all the way back to the start of the hike if he could just make those almost-three little words never have almost happened.

  “You can say it,” she said, voice muffled against his chest. He could feel her lips move through his T-shirt, her hands gently stroking the small of his back as though she knew he was now the one who needed tending.

  He tugged her ponytail lightly. “Don’t.”

  She sighed then, and struggled slightly to get away, though he only released her when he heard her muttered “okay.” She stepped back and adjusted her clothing, then glanced down and frowned. “I got blood on your leg.”

  He followed her gaze to the tiny red smudge on his calf. “I’ll live.” A bloodstain he could survive. That was about all he had the stomach for right now. “Go ahead,” he said, when she lingered uncomfortably. “I’ll be right there.” Jarek avoided her stare, and after a second she blew out a breath and turned and continued, the end now in sight.

  Alone again for the first time in a very long while, Jarek braced his hands on the crumbling edge of the wall and squeezed until the rocks dug painfully into his palms. The irony of the location for his slip up didn’t elude him. He’d spent a lifetime erecting a wall around himself, very determinedly keeping people at a distance. And now here he stood, on a five thousand mile long wall that had taken centuries to build, cost hundreds of thousands of people their lives, and was rumored to be visible from fucking outer space, and the damn thing had never kept anybody out.

  She knew he was faking it. Olivia glanced at Jarek out the corner of her eye as the bus bounced along on the way back to Beijing. After finishing the hike they’d cleaned up her leg, bought icy cold drinks at one of the restaurants, and waited for the bus to depart at four o’clock. He’d retreated into his shell, grunting the occasional answer, waving her off when she said she was going to walk around and take pictures, putting as much distance between them as possible. Now, an hour into the trip back to town, he had his eyes closed, sunglasses on, and was doing a terrible job of pretending to be asleep. Almost as terrible a job as they were doing pretending he hadn’t almost said the L-word.